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Sheila Burke's Column
I always thought it would be really cool to get a Native American name. You know, like Dances With Wolves….only that’s taken. Plus, I really can’t dance. And I’m afraid of wolves. Maybe something like Whispers Like Wind. But I probably yell too much. Ooooo! Screams Like Banshee? Maybe. But, after the other day…..I’m afraid the only name the Native Americans would give me is something laughable.
You see….Shane and I were attempting to unclog the floor drain under the utility tubs in the basement. Yes, another plumbing story…so what!?! Anyways…stop interrupting! Okay. So. Shane had to run out somewhere and I thought….I can do this myself….duh. So I poured some acid stuff down there and quickly covered all the drain holes with towels so the stink didn’t come up. Man is that crap stinky. And, it didn’t work. SO…looking at all the laundry piled up I knew we had to come up with a way to get it done. And I wasn’t gonna take it anywhere and spend a thousand quarters.
So we put a five gallon bucket in the washtub and the washer hose into the bucket. We had to stand by the washer and smack the dial to turn it off every time the bucket filled to stop the water flow. Then walk over to the basement toilet and pour out the water. Then pull the dial and fill another bucket. Of course, we did eventually figure out that the bucket needed to be on the floor rather than IN the tub….(very heavy when full)
We washed only on the ’small’ setting. Do you have any frickin idea how many gallons of water it takes to wash a load on small? 40, yes FORTY, GALLONS. Is that sick or what? What a waste! So you do the math….that’s filling and carrying and emptying 8 five gallon buckets per load! I did 5 loads.
So anyways…I think my new Native American name would probably be something like “Large Arms From Pail” or “She Who Washes Like Moron”.
Btw, I had to call my dad AGAIN for plumbing advice. Thank God for dads. Turns out we’re gonna have to hack off the original old steel pipe and shop vac the drain out. Then fix the pipe. I bet my dad would be named something like “Shares Knowledge” or….“Stops Answer Daughters Calls”.
:) What would YOUR Native American name be?????
